I’ve been told my grand parents have been looking forward to reading a blog post about my trip to Southeast Asia, so I guess I’ll stop waiting so long to write it. To celebrate our (late) graduation from college, my roommates Jackson, Kyle, and I decided to reward ourselves with a trip abroad. This trip would not have been possible without a gift from my loving parents and several others from my wonderful family members. This, along with every penny in my bank account, got me started with a round-trip flight into Bangkok, Thailand.

We bought our flight months in advance before leaving January 9th, 2019, but we didn’t book a place to stay until about two days prior. We planned our whole trip this way, and it came back to bite us at the end. But for the most part, it worked out just fine. The first leg was a 12 hour flight to Tokyo. It sounds miserable, but it’s not so bad. The three of us all sat together. We had dozens of movies to chose from. We also had free drinks the whole way. In fact, this way I have to watch movies and drink beer to pass the time. It’s totally guilt free. Whereas if it were Sunday at my house, I’d do the same thing but feel bad about being lazy.

The layover in Tokyo was brief, but there was plenty of time to experience the Japanese lavatories. I’m not sure how America got it so wrong. In Japan, the stall doors go down to the floor. The toilet has a whole keypad of buttons to operate it. You can play soothing music, spray air freshener, turn on the heated seat, and use the built in bidet. Perfect serenity with every amenity. Taking a dump in public in Japan is a joy not a chore. What an unparalleled work of art.

So the trip was going great. We had another 8 hour flight to get into Thailand. We tried not to sleep too much because we would be landing around midnight. Upon arrival, a taxi immediately overcharged us and took us into the city. The night was warm and damp. It was difficult to get a look at the city in the dark but we passed many skyscrapers scattered around with no discernible downtown center. The driver struggled to find the hostel which was tucked away in an alley somewhere. When he finally did, it was well past bedtime.

I rolled out of bed around 8am, still time for breakfast. We had a room to ourselves, which is rare for a hostel, but I guess we picked a good one. It was called The Yard, and it had just that. The building wrapped around a small, enclosed lawn with outdoor seating. On one end was the check in counter. On the other, the breakfast bar. After enjoying some toast, yogurt, and coffee, we set out on our adventure to explore the city. We weren’t really sure where to go and we didn’t have the faintest idea of how to get there. So we started walking.

There is no city in America that can closely compare to a Southeast Asian city. In America, lanes and sidewalks are meaningful. They help organize traffic and pedestrians. In Bangkok, if your shop extends out into the street, not a big deal. If you’re on your scooter and the traffic is bothering you, just drive on the sidewalk. It’s not just the traffic laws that differ. The people, the smells, the heat, the sizes and shapes of buildings. So much looks and feels different. Actually, Bangkok had the most infrastructure of any city we visited. Complete with trains and bridges over the streets.

Here are the unofficial heights of my roommates and I: Kyle – 6’2″, Jack – 6’3″, Jackson – 6’6″. Here is the average male height for a Thai person: 5’6″. We were constantly looking for local basketball courts to play pickup. Walking through markets was fun, we certainly drew a lot of attention. Eventually we got used to being stared at constantly. We were also rich by comparison because the exchange rate was kind to us. So in a way, we were celebrities. Bangkok is a fun city with lots to see. We constantly stopped at places to eat and get snacks. I’m almost positive I gained 5 pounds in the first week (only to lose it all in 36 hours later in the trip). We walked through parks, museums, ancient temples, and anything else that caught our eyes.

At a certain point in the day we decided to visit the Grand Palace: one of the biggest tourist attractions. As we weighed our options between walking, a cab, and a Grab (SE Asia’s equivalent of Uber), a cab pulled up and offered us a ride. He insisted on a fixed rate instead of using the meter. We were being ripped off, but only for Thailand. In the US a $9 cab ride between three people across town isn’t too bad. This would become a trend for the first part of the trip before we got the guts to negotiate with people.

We got dropped off near the Palace, but were informed we missed our window to get in for the day. A few locals near a tuk-tuk informed us they could get us a deal on a boat ride. A tuk-tuk is a motorbike that pulls a little covered wagon behind it that can sit two Thai people comfortably. So the three of us hop in the back and are whisked away to this boat adventure. Apparently, they were offering us such a good deal, they told us not to talk to the other tourists at the dock because everyone else got a worse deal. It wasn’t until halfway through the boat ride that we figured that was all BS. We went up and down a trashy river which took less than an hour, but we did get a interesting look at locals that live on the river. We got scammed, but it led us to a new experience so I can’t say I regret it.

The boat dropped us off at a place that was different from where we were picked up. Fueled by hunger and curiosity, we set out to find some delicious local food. If you haven’t heard, it’s hot in Thailand. So immediately a smoothie shop caught our eye. Still ravenous after being literally and figuratively taken for a ride, we stopped in front of a lady cooking noodles in a giant stir fry pan on the sidewalk. We sat down at a plastic table hardly big enough to fit our knees under and had delicious (and very spicy) noodles.

After all this, it was maybe 2:00pm. We had plenty of day left. The lady who cooked our food helped us hail a tuk-tuk to take us around for the rest of the day. She negotiated a price that was probably a fifth of what we paid for a cab earlier. And our tuk-tuk driver drove us to like five place over the course of several hours! We were easy targets, but everything was so cheap anyway that we didn’t lose any sleep over it. They probably needed the money more than we did.

We went on to visit several temples and Buddhist statues. One statue was probably 100 feet tall. It’s fascinating to see how people approach and interpret religion in different parts of the world. The style and color of murals, the shapes and sizes of sculptures, the way monks dress, the ornate architecture, and most commonly: one can’t wear shoes in any temple. We visited dozens of temples, stupas, and pagodas (I’ve forgotten the difference between them) throughout our trip.

We learned that part of why our tuk-tuk was cheap was because some drivers have deals with stores that they will drop passengers off at stores and the store will throw the driver (or the driver’s company) some money. At least, that’s what I gathered from it happening two different times to us. So we walked through a custom suit store awkwardly with no intention to buy while the employees tried to hard sell us. Then we stopped by a travel agency where we booked some excursions in Chang Mai. Finally we were dropped off at a night market to conclude our prolonged tuk-tuk ride.

Markets in that part of the world are fun. Most we went to were very touristy, but hey, we wanted to buy touristy stuff. I bought a shirt with pineapples on it. Why would I ever need that? We stopped in and out of many places along the street. Sometimes to have a beer, sometimes to glace at the menu, sometimes to practice haggling. Somehow we eventually settled on the worst restaurant in Thailand. The music was remixes of songs that were already terrible in the first place. We sat outside and people were constantly coming up to try and sell us stuff. The food was not memorable.

But it was a good way to sum up Bangkok in a nut shell. Loud, hectic, dirty, smelly, and full of scammers. But it was all fun. So much fun. Could I live there? Hell no. The city was vibrant, lively, and completely foreign. Every block had new and weird things to look at. I was never bored for a single second. To cap off the day Kyle and I stayed out until 5:00am.

I woke up at the last possible minute to get free breakfast: 9:30. After which I immediately returned to bed. I woke up again at 11:30. This day was our journey to the grand palace (20 minutes across town). This palace was grand indeed. It was really a whole compound for old emperors (now just for tourism) several football fields across. High walls encased the entire perimeter, so it was only possible to see the tops of the decorative roofs. Inside looked like what an emperor would build if he had a lot of money and a lot of time. Everything was red and gold and extravagant. The roofs of the buildings and temples were steep and curled at the end. There was a mural that ran the length of the wall that consisted of 178 paintings. “Grand Palace” seems like a generic name or lazy translation but it was very apt.

I jotted down notes on paper during the trip so I could eventually write this later. My notes say I was writing this in the back of a truck with exhaust blowing in my face. Also the writing is very shaky, so I think it was a bumpy road. So hopefully I’m interpreting my experiences accurately enough. Anyway, after the Grand Palace we got a cab to the train station to travel on to Chang Mai. The traffic was especially bad, so we had our first scare of missing connecting transportation (first scare of many). We arrived and had plenty of time to spare, so we got some gas station snacks for the ride. I was hoping for Snickers bars and Fritos, but instead we found seafood-flavored chips and green-apple Fanta. Each were worse than they sounded.

The train was an overnight train, so we each had a bed. When the beds were folded up we had two small benches and a table in between. While playing cards, we were unsure if they would serve food, so we got a little worried. Thankfully, they came around with fruit platters. We each ordered one. It was far to much fruit for one person on a platter, but we made a point to eat as much as possible because we didn’t know when our next meal would be. After polishing off the snacks and the fruit, they came around to serve the main dinner. So we ate all of that too.

Later on, stuffed to the brim, we debated cracking open some liquor we bought earlier and play a card game. Hey we were on vacation give us a break. However, there was a no alcohol policy. So it was a risk. We liked living dangerously. Every time we were about to pull out the bottle, someone would walk by and we would have to quickly pull it away. We started to debate if it was even worth the hassle, then a security guard walked up to us. We all froze and stared at him. How did he know? Someone must have ratted us out. My mind was racing. would we be kicked off the train? How would we get to Chang Mai in the middle of the night? Or worse, would we be arrested?

He motioned for us three to stand up. We complied. He then handed his phone to a stewardess standing behind him. Smiling, he positioned himself in the middle of us and put his arms around us. Oh, he just wanted a picture. He was no taller than 5’4″ and seemed ecstatic to be in the presence of giants. We weren’t used to being celebrities yet so we were caught by surprise. He thanked us and went on to another section of the train. We were scared and had no wits about us but were bailed out by our height and dashing good looks. Perhaps this is what being a celebrity is really like?